Friday, July 2, 2010

Horrors of Spider Island (1960) - She's Got Legs!

Gary Webster: "Hmm.. Legs?"
Meg: "Pardon me?"
Georgia: "Mr. Webster would like to look at your legs."
Meg: "Oh, sure."
[Meg pulls up her skirt]
[Mr. Webster crosses his own legs at the ankles.]
Georgia: "Thank you, you're hired."

Poor Gary! Shipwrecked after a plane crash on a deserted island with a bevy of beautiful dancers who, despite having just barely survived for days and days on a small life raft and then, upon finally finding land, coming upon a cabin with a dead body hung in a spider web, are really mostly interested in seeing how quickly they can strip down to their undies and either go skinny dipping or start cat-fighting (though there is no actual nudity in the film, just lots of underwear and bikinis). Yeah, Gary's got it rough.

Unfortunately, though, Gary's little idyll is about to end. You see, he's just been bitten by one of the island's native inhabitants - a radioactive spider! And we all know what that means, right, Kiddies? Yep, Spider-Man! Unfortunately, instead of gaining great abs and the power to climb walls and spending his time fighting Dr Octopus and saving the beautiful Mary Jane, this spider man gains fangs and hairy clawed hands and spends his time hiding in a tree and killing off the beautiful girls.

Honestly, this is one of those movies for which the word "schlock" was invented. But it's schlock in a good way: it makes no bones about what it is, the women really aren't bad to look at (one suspects the casting call for the film went almost exactly like the one quoted above from the first few minutes of the movie), there's a giant puppet spider, and it's obvious that more of the budget went into the girls' nearly non-existent  wardrobes than into the makeup for Gary's final transformation into "The World's Most Hideous Monster".

In other words, it's mostly good clean fun. With legs.

Here's a trailer:

And the Skinny:
Title: Horrors of Spider Island
Release Date: 1960
Running Time: 89min
Black and White
Starring: Alexander D'Arcy, Barbara Valentin
Directed by: Fritz Bottger
Produced by: Gaston Hakim, Wolf C. Hartwig
Distributed by: Centra Films

Horrors of Spider Island is available to watch or download for free here.
It's also available for purchase on DVD from Amazon: Horrors of Spider Island.
It's also available for rental from Netflix.

Until next time, Happy Treasure Hunting,
-Professor Damian


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